Dear Readers,
Yes, the Easter Bunny is still trolling along, as this is starting to be written on Easter Saturday (not sure if that day really counts, but I need perspective of some sort..)
This is really just a way of keeping me going, as I’ve been on the road for rather in the air) for what seems the best part of the last two days and the body is close to meltdown/limbo/becoming a Moonie/total collapse … but fueled with a few glasses of Air Seychelles Bordeaux, it seems to be taking on a new lease of life …… so first, a backwards step, to tell you where your correspondent has been since dispatching the last missive.
Well, he was in Cambodia for starters – if you like HEAT, then Cambodia in April is your dream destination. If you also like HUMIDITY, then go to the front of the line, as this is THE place for YOU. If you like walking off an aircraft and presuming that you wear glasses of some kind, your spex just clouding up within 10 feet of the aircraft door and you nearly fall over the rope that was put down to prevent you colliding with a propeller, then please do fly into Cambodia now and you will be in heaven. It is living hell.
Sorta place where you can just stand still and do nothing but breath and feel the sweat trickling down your legs and wonder just what did it actually say in those Depends commercials, cos for a moment it seems like THE TIME HAS COME. Next stop the Twilight Home ……. It is an ordeal and We bring them here and then expect Them to go Sightseeing and they can listen to local guides, who God bless them, have incredibly good English when you think where you are, but when you have to listen to a translation from Cambodian to Cambodian EEngleesh to Amurrican English, then it’s a bit of a work out all around. Poor punters have a hard time of it, believe you me. Current gang we have are all from the National Geographic Society in Washington DC – yes, them that puts out the magazine each month – well you would think that they would be globally aware and perhaps have traveled a bit and want to see more and they are spending $65,000 a head for this thrill – well my dears, what many of them want to do is to GO SHOPPING – Jeeeeeeeeez -there are a few who are good and actually seem to know where they are in the globe, but the average level is dismally low. What a shame. Really a case of pearls before swine. And here am I, running ahead, pedaling as fast as I can to get there before they do and therefore now one of my preoccupations is to make sure their little ‘pillow gifts’ are there on their beds before they arrive. At every destination, we give them a present.
GREAT RESPONSIBILITY this. I’ve set them all up in advance, so don’t have to rush off to the market the moment I get there but even so, there is a great science to it. Imagine that you had nearly 100 relatives and you had to give them all the SAME gift and it had to be one size fits all, not interpreted as either male or female and it’s got to be light and small and unbreakable and then totally unique to where you are … well, no point in going to Macy’s or Bloomies and I forgot to say that it has to be fairly cheap too, so forget Tiffany’s, though we HAVE actually done Tiffs stuff on the final night of the Millennium Around the World tour and you should have seen their greedy little fingers when they saw the eggshell blue box – something that all Amurrican millionaires are trained to drool over/have orgasms/wet knickers from at an early age. In Cambodia, their receive a small stone carving of one of the faces from the Bayon, one of the temples in the whole Angkor complex. It can be used as a paperweight, though more like to be shoved at the back of a shelf.
After this, I’m heading off to AFRICA !
timothyvalentinestravels 