Two days later, back up in the air with Air NZ. Such nice girls and boys they are, though their coffee on this particular plane comes from such strongly chlorinated water that it’s more like drinking a lightly coffee flavored swimming pool.
Overall, we had a good stop in the Cook Islands. Several of the women went hog wild in the black pearl shop inside the hotel. These are very much a feature of the South Pacific and can be really beautiful. I had warned the shop the day before that they should drag out all the best pieces, as with our mob, it would be their best chance ever of cleaning up! And they did.
It was tremendously hot and sticky all the time and all we could offer as diversions were outside, which hit a few pax hard and also several arrived with dodgy stomachs, put down to bad ice in their Picso Sours in Peru. Such are the perils of international boozing. We had to endure the local tribal jump up show in the hotel (sorry, Resort) after dinner – much too long and too loud – it’s the norm here. But the best thing were the kids who danced. We have all seen sultry and solidly built, island maidens with flowers around their heads, grass skirts and hips a-twitching something terrible (they look like they are about to dislocate themselves here, such are the amazing girations) but they also had some small girls in training, one we calculated to be all of 6, up there twitching away like real pros – it was a riot and everyone fell for their professional aplomb – they were really playing to the audience and loving every minute. Heaven help the local lads when they grow a bit.
And so, onward and upwards, which meant a very very long day that lasted about 26 hours and took two full days, due to crossing the date line. I always feel there should at least be a bump in the air when you do this, but no such luck. In fact most of the flying around these parts is bumpy anyway, seems to be a feature of the airscape.
As I was departing close to the same time as our B757, it was fun to listen in on local conversations as to what the hell they think our machine is. I’ve heard everything from “It must be the Sultan of Brunei” to suggestions on drug smugglers or pop stars like Madonna – we must seem very boring should they discover the truth.
The Air New Zealand crew which carried me off to Auckland, had noticed our aircraft also and listened with wide eyes when I gave them the scoops – as usual, they all wanted to know where to sign up to work on the plane. You fly for what seems like days, over nothing but water. It is water 30 seconds after take off and then land pops up about 5 minutes before landing. And BOY, New Zealand is sure GREEN. It is no wonder the human population is heavily outnumbered by sheep.
Auckland airport is a nice, small, organised sort of place and the Air NZ lounge is a comfortable pad to wait in. Homely touches like warm scones complete with clotted cream (kinda fits in with their v arable country). There is a young guy there who makes the announcements in the most dulcet tones, great diction and he makes them actually sound interesting and is a real pleasure to listen to. I had complemented him last time I was there (on the grounds that you should give praise when due) and he was v flattered and there he was sitting behind the desk looking v smart and I remembered him immediately and he did admit that he had received other positive comments from punters there – I told him he should apply to Radio NZ to read the news and he blushed at the thought. Seem a pity to waste a natural radio voice on stupid passengers.
After a few hours I was back again in the purple world of Thai International. Fourteen hours end to end on a B747-400 from Auckland to Bangkok, with a stop in Sydney. Just UNENDING !! And it was packed the whole way.
timothyvalentinestravels 